finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
