Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
