So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
