I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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