Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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