so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
