How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
