yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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