First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
