so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
