1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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