im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
