I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
