this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
