So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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