Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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