Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
