Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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