dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
