please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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