We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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