i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
