I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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