hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
