if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
