Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
