i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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