How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
