she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
