And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
