I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
