escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
