Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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