I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My dick has a subreddit
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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