We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
