The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
