My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize