I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
