He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
