five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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