We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
