I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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