I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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