she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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