NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
