his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
