I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
