i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
