i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
