So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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