I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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