i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
