I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
