I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
