At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
