dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
