She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
