If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
