i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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