There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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