i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
