it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
