i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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