enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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