She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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