am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
