my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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