A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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